What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 01:02
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Can you share some of your favorite jokes that are not well-known but always make people laugh?
She found it foreign!.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She loved him until the end.
How conservative the Japanese people really is? And the government?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I said to her
What is the reason behind the Russian government's negative view on foreign travel?
Ive learnt so much.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Would this be the day?
What is a narcissist grandmother like, with her grandchild?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Do you believe that Jesus was God on Earth?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I write beautiful poetry .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
All the time i was locked up.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Do you think this Labour Party is qualified to run our country?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
What are the best examples of reverse psychology?
I was seconnd youngest,
Was to survive, this bastard.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
What shocking family behavior did you read about in India?
But, we were locked up after school.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Why are there so many girls and not enough boys to follow?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
This is soul school!.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My family never makes their pension either.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
We all went to grammer schools
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I never cut or harmed myself..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I couldn’t, believe it.
My life is so biszare .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
(And it was in our own minds.)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I was scared of men, in general
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Put me off passion for life!!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
As i do to all so called friends.?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was very sick at this time too.
Comes on , in middle age.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I have no regrets .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
When she asked me how she looked .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
One cannot live in the past .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She wouldn,t have been !
He knew the spot.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
It was going to be , some day.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And who doesn’t know suffering?
So whats the point in blame.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I waited trembling.
We were not on the streets..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Who then, do I blame.?
She was in good health!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And i lived it daily.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was 9 years of age.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
What did i know ?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I will be 64.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But it wasn’t much.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She married twice! .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I think the readers, may guess!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I could never make a relationship work though!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
So, i spoilt her more .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Im still living with it.
I don,t even have a pension.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Why did i forgive my father ?
But ive been too sick for many years..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He resisted the act ,that day.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!